Keeping up with Us

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.